"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." –Anonymous
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day young, we'ev got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know that I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my sqeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeze, Please, please, please!
7. German Shepard: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure that I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Shepard: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle....
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collies' ear and hell do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Things that you can learn from your dog.
1. Unconditional love
2. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
3. Allow the presence of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
4. Choose a favorite, but permit others to love you.
5. Persistency pays.
6. Love those who love you and give you treats.
7. Forgive early and often.
8. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
9. When it's your best interest, practice obedience.
10. Let others know when they have invaded your territory.
11. Take naps and always stretch before rising.
12. Run, romp and play often.
13. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
14. Be Loyal.
15. Never pretend to be something you’re not.
16. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
17. When someone you love is having a bad day, sit close, be silent, and occasionally nuzzle them gently.
18. Thrive on attention and let people and dogs touch you.
19. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do the trick.
20. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
21. On hot days drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
22. No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.
23. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
24. Playing chase with cats, rabbits, and other things that will play.
A Dogs Pet Peeves
1. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A DOG,should I speak French?
2. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
3. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!!!
4. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
5. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud day for the top of the food chain.
6. Taking me to the vet for the big , then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
7. Getting upset when I sniff up the legs of your guests and goose, Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
8. Dog sweaters Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
9. You break wind and then blame it on me? Real classy and not very funny at all.
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.--Phil Pastoret